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School Board Lifts Fidget Spinner Ban (satire)

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This week, the Grosse Pointe Board of Education announced that they would be permanently lifting the ban on fidget spinners. Middle and high school students have started to take their final exams, and district officials think that it’s time for a change in the testing classrooms. Administrators decided that the effects of the trendy spinners, such as a loss of concentration and distraction from homework, would greatly help teens on their final tests of the year.

Despite the fact that most teachers don’t believe in the overwhelmingly positive effects of spinners, reading reports such as these changed their minds. The study was conducted by a group of juniors at Grosse Pointe North. Their findings proved that spinning a fidget spinner for just two minutes helped them focus 75% more than they normally would. (It was not mentioned whether they were focusing more on the device or their work). An English teacher at Grosse Pointe North, Ivanna Spinnet, believes that fidget spinners have made her classes much more creative. “In all of my years of teaching,” she said, “I have never seen a class figure out so many different ways to not pay attention!”

Grosse Pointe students, as a whole, will be greatly helped by the lifting of the ban. Marcus Chump, 15, announced that his fidget spinner has helped to eliminate all of the stress in his busy life. “Now that I have a fidget spinner to play with during school, I don’t worry about my grades that much anymore.” He paused for a moment to balance the device on the tip of his nose. “My Algebra exam isn’t as important as my spinner, honestly. It cost me $30, so I need to keep it safe from the terrors of the outside world.”

Hopefully, now that the school system has revoked the rule, students will continue to bring their spinners to school for the rest of their life. Teachers have fallen in love with the benefits of the fidget toys.  With a fidget spinner in hand, students can confidently walk into their finals, knowing that success is on the way. Thank you, GPPSS!!!

 

Satire
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

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For the students by the students
School Board Lifts Fidget Spinner Ban (satire)